ICT course and me

Two weeks before - just before the course (ICT in Engineering Education) began in our department, I had a disturbing realization. That I was losing a lot of things, my space in the department, my freedom.....

I felt that I was in a room with all its windows closing down, with me having no control over it. Life was moving not in the way I liked- rather I was moving the way it dictated.

Then when I attended the session by Deepak, suddenly I felt that one window has opened. |I breathed fresh air. It is something that even Baiju Sir or Deepak may not understand.

Being a woman, you always have to struggle against the heavy tide which will reduce your space to household and limited ( yes very limited) space where you work ( if you are working). The claws of the male dominant society will pull you back with all might and you have to be very very careful, less you will be reduced to 'just another instrument in your kitchen' (as Savithry Rajivan says in her poem)

What has happened to me? I was not like this. Knowingly or unknowingly my social space reduced in the last few years. There may be many reasons. Research may be one reason. Though you might not be doing much of research work, it might inhibit you from freely doing other things. Even reading.

But apart from that, I know I have been making a lot of compromises. Kuriappy has been warning me always. But I didn't fully realise. Being an optimistic and very contended person, I always hoped for the best.

But now the fog is clear and I can see very clearly. Alas!! I am at the verge of a deep pit. I have to be very carefull not to fall. It is just alarming.

And then ICT came and I was very very happy to attend the course, to be a part of the philosophy, the politics , the movement...

Even when my social space was reducing, I enjoyed a lot of space in the Institutions where ever I worked. I was always part of the mainstream. But recently some thing happened and I felt I was sliding away from the mainstream. One reason that I see is that, I was coming and going by College bus (due to compulsions from home). Going by college bus means you have to leave at sharp 4.00. You will never get time to interact with others. I always use to tell my female colleagues (only to those who listen to me) that when ever possible stay back for some time ; you will be part of small talks, casual talks. You will gain a lot; you may contribute as well. I consider it as very important. that is how you establish your own space. Shifting to the new staff room ("ladies staff room" at the far end) may be another reason.

I strongly believe there should not be separate rooms for gents and ladies. Ladies will be out of the main stream. Being separate and having separate activities, ladies and gents will become strangers. no friendship, no communication in between.

These two things I knew before. But now I am experiencing it. Knowing is different from experiencing. Now I can raise these points emphatically.

I dont believe every thing is lost. It all comes from your mind. The freedom,... all. But only if you realise what you are losing, you will be able get it back. so I consider this disturbance, this realisation very important.

Even when you have many unavoidable compulsions, you can make out a workable formula to make you alive. We may have to face many difficulties in life. But that should not weaken you. It has to empower.

And thanks to ICT for boosting my morale. Thanks to Baiju Sir for giving me a little role in the course. I dont know whether you can understand fully. But at this point of time, it mean a lot to me. It made me think that 'Oh I am still alive'.

Thanks to Deepak, Arun, Baiju Sir and all behind the dream. I feel it is the beginning of a movement.

And finally I feel happy now, for feeling so disturbed, so miserable,.... That has made me write my first blog. Even though Kuriappy started his blog 3-4 years back, I never felt an urge to write. Now I felt an internal urge to write.

Being self critical , being disturbed is very essential for your growth. For not to become stagnant, for not to die.....